Underland's Unruly Princesses: Kingdom of Music
by Princess Rosalind of Underland
Summary: A collection of parodies of songs meant to be a soundtrack to the Underland's Unruly Princesses Saga sung by Iracebeth's daughters, mostly.
1. Royal Bastard Hallelujah

**A/N: So this is a collection of song parodies we wrote as a kind of soundtrack to our Underland's Unruly Princesses saga, so read those fics if you haven't already or these songs won't make sense. This song in particular is a parody of Hallelujah and was written by Ember. Please enjoy. Love, Princess Rosalind of Underland.**

**Ember:** I've learned there was a secret card,  
that Alice played, and it pleased the Lords,  
but you don't really care for music, do you?

**Rosalind:** It goes like this,  
the fourth, the fifth  
the White Queens Fall,  
The Red Queens Lift,  
the Happy Princesses'  
singin' Hallelujah

**Both:** Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah

**Ember:** Our faith was strong, but you needed proof,  
we flung fireballs from the roof,  
the terror in the night  
overthrew you.

**Rosalind:** We tied Stayne to a kitchen chair,  
we stole his gold,  
we cut his hair,  
and from his pain we drew,  
the Hallelujah

**Both:** Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah

**Ember:** Baby, we have been here before,  
we know this room, we know this floor,  
our Mum is the Queen of Underland

**Rosalind:** We wave the flags,  
from our castle arch,  
Our Mums Love is  
Our Victory March  
It's a calm and it's not a broken  
Hallelujah

**Both:** Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah

**Ember:** There was a time, you let us know,  
whats real and going on Below,  
but now you never show it to us, do you?

**Rosalind:** And now you let us Rule with you,  
the White Queen is jealous too.  
and every man we slew,  
was Hallelujah

**Both:** Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah

**Ember:** Maybe theres a world Above?  
But all I ever learned from Love  
was how to execute someone  
who out drew you

**Rosalind:** But its not a cry you can  
hear at Night,  
It's not our Mum,  
she's seen the Light

**Both:** Its a cold and its a broken Hallelujah!  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah


	2. Princesses Lament (Enchanted version)

**A/N: this song was written by me and is a Parody of Stepsister's Lament from the Disney version of Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella. it's a little bit of a preview for the next chapter of Go Ask Alice when Um ends up in the castle. Enjoy, love Ros aka Princess Rosalind of Underland.**

**Ember:** Why would our mummy want a girl like her  
some random naked peasant?  
why can't our mummy ever once prefer  
a real princess like me?

**Ros:** She's a stupid bloody moron  
with a flimsy kind of charm  
and with very little trouble  
I could break her little arm! _(reaches for Ember's arm and grabs it)_

**Ember:** _(spoken jokingly)_ Ow! Ow!

**Both:** Why would our Mummy like a girl like her?  
She's worse than Aunt Mirana!  
Why can't our mummy ever once prefer  
her true heirs, you and me?

**Ember:** She sat in my spot today at tea.  
Mum brushed it aside like it was nothing!

**Ros:** She's wearing the curtains from my room!  
I think Mummy's being much too trusting!

**Ember:** Her hair is a nasty tangled mop!

**Ros:** She's way taller than my deadbeat Daddy!

**Ember:** Let's blame her for eating all the tarts!

**Both:** We've stooped to Mirana's level, sadly!

**Both:** Why would our mummy want a girl like her,  
She's such an irksome slurvish!  
Why can't our mummy ever once prefer  
her daughters, you and me?

**Ember:** She's a stupid bloody moron,  
with a frilly sort of air  
and with very little trouble,  
I could pull out all her hair, _(reaches for Ros's hair)_

**Ros:** _(spoken)_ Hey, don't touch my hair!

**Both:** Why would our Mummy want a girl like her?  
She's such an irksome slurvish!  
Why can't our mummy ever once prefer  
her daughters, you and me?

**Ember:** What's the matter with our Mum?

**Ros:** What's the matter with our Mum?

**Both:** What's the matter with our Mum?


	3. Princesses Lament (Rosalind's Remix)

_**A/N: This is another version of the previous song, the one seen on Broadway.**_

**Ros:** Why would our mummy want a girl like her  
some random naked peasant?  
why can't our mummy ever once prefer  
a real princess like me?  
She's a stupid bloody moron  
with a flimsy kind of charm  
and with very little trouble  
I could break her little arm! _(reaches for Ember's arm and grabs it)_

**Ember:** _(spoken jokingly)_ Ow! Ow!

**Ros:** Why would our Mummy like a girl like her?  
She's worse than Aunt Mirana!  
Why can't our mummy ever once prefer  
her true heirs, you and me?

**Ember:** She sat in my spot today at tea.

**Ros:** Mum brushed it aside like it was nothing!

**Ember:** She's wearing the curtains from your room!

**Ros:** I think Mummy's being way too trusting!

**Ember:** Her hair is a nasty tangled mop!  
She's way taller than your deadbeat Daddy!  
Let's blame her for eating all the tarts!

**Ros:** We've stooped to Mirana's level, sadly!

**Both:** Why would our mummy want a girl like her,  
She's such an irksome slurvish!  
Why can't our mummy ever once prefer  
her daughters, you and me?  
What's the matter with our Mum?  
What's the matter with our Mum?  
What's the matter with our Mum?

**Ros:** Mum's enamored,  
but we loathe her!  
And I really don't think Um is her real name...  
Ember's the heir,  
I'm the baby,  
We've always been the royal favorites!

**Ember:** It's not pretty  
It feels shitty  
and all this distracts her from the Frabjous day!  
Still we're waiting, always waiting  
Nevertheless, today's been a mess

**Ros:** Look at her dress!  
There's nothing on underneath!

**Ember:** Why would our Mummy want a girl like her,  
She's not wearing a corset!  
Why can't our mummy ever once prefer

**Ros:** a laced up girl like me!  
She sat in your spot today at tea.  
Mum brushed it aside like it was nothing!  
She's wearing the curtains from my room!  
I think Mummy's being way too trusting!  
Her hair is a nasty tangled mop!  
She's way taller than my deadbeat Daddy!  
Let's blame her for eating all the tarts!

**Ember:** We've stooped to Mirana's level, sadly!

**Both:** Oh! Oh!  
Why would our Mummy want a girl like her?  
She's such an irksome slurvish!  
Why can't our mummy ever once prefer  
her daughters, you and me?  
What's the matter with our Mum?  
What's the matter with our Mum?  
What's the matter with our Mum?

**Ros:** _(spoken)_ SHE'S THE MATTER, LET ME AT HER!

**Both:** What's the matter with our Mum?  
What's the matter with our Mum?  
What's the matter with our Mum?


	4. God, I Hate Alice!

A/N: this song was written by Princess Rosalind of Underland and is a parody of God, I Hate Shakespeare! from the musical _Something Rotten!_ Blood in Wondeland requested we include TickTock in one of our fics and although he won't appear in the story until after Go Ask Alice, I wanted to write this. Basically, Iracebeth and her daughters are ranting to a clueless TickTock after Alice stole the chromosphere about how she ruined has their lives, despite the fact that she's considered a hero to the rest of Underland. Enjoy!

* * *

**Iracebeth:** God, I hate Alice!

That's right, I said it!

**Ticktock:** (spoken) Who?

**Iracebeth:** You know, that idiot Alice!

**Ticktock:** (spoken) Why?

**Ember:** You just don't get it!

She's a ditzy little peasant who came here from London Town,

She killed the jabberwocky and it cost our Mum the crown!

**Ros:** oh, god, I hate Alice!

She wears no corset, but she's still

"the great" Alice. She's full of horse shit!

The resistance doesn't like our Mum, they think she's volatile,

Then came the Frabjous day and now we're rotting in exile!

**Chorus:** how can you say that?

How can you say that?

**Iracebeth:** It's easy, we can say it, cause it's absolutely true!

**Chorus:** Don't be a hater, she's Underland's savior!

**Ember:** That stupid gash is fooling all of you!

**Ros:** People say she's the champion

Who set our world free,

But now life's a bitch for Mum, Ember and me!

We've suffered in banishment, then my dad ditched us!

I'm glad you came along…

**Ember** _(spoken)_ drop the soap, sis! Stay with us!

**Ros:**_ (spoken)_ Sorry...

**Iracebeth:**_ (to TickTock)_ You should hate Alice!

**Ros:** TickTock, go after her, eviscerate Alice!

**Ticktock:** Well here's the problem: that kindergartener took my chromosphere, it's not a toy! If I don't get it back, then our whole world will be destroyed!

**Iracebeth:** cause she's a hack with a knack for wrecking everything she can!

**Chorus:** how can you say that? How can you say that? She's traveling through history to try to help her friend! You're not the queen now, you're just a has been now...

**Ember:** I wanna stick her with a pointy end!

**Ticktock:** _(spoken)_ Wilkins, try to fix the grand clock! I'm going after the kindergartener before time myself stops and all of Underland perishes! (Exits)

**Iracebeth:** and here's another thing I hate about Alice: all of the twits who bloviate about Alice!

And how they prattle on about her great accomplishments, well la-di-da-di-dah!

And once they start their gushing there's no stopping them

And then it's "blah blah blah blah blah, Alice!"

And she drops in, it's "dum da dum ta da Alice!"

They're in her thrall and they say "Alice you're our hero and we think you're so divine! Curiouser and curiouser is such a clever line!"

And they're all "ooh"

And she's all "stop"

And they're all "yay!"

And we're all "ugh"

And I'm REALLY getting sick of it and

OH! OH! OH! OH! I HATE ALICE!

Ember and Ros: I think by now everyone knows we hate Alice!

**Ros:**_ (spoken)_ Schmalice!

**Ember:** If not for her meddling our mum would still be queen!

**Ros:** If we had our way, that bitch would get the guillotine!

**Ember:** The poster child for why no one Above should procreate!

**Iracebeth:** Let me make a shorter list so I can give it to you straight!

Every little thing about Alice is what I hate!

**Ember and Ros:** We hate! We hate! We clearly surely really truly hate Alice!

**Wilkins:** _(spoken)_ Don't hate!

**Ember:** _(spoken)_ Wilkins, shut the fuck up!


	5. Heatless!

**a/n: I know Ember and I haven't been updating Go Ask Alice and March of the Witch Hunters, but Ember is an essential worker and we haven't had time to get together and write during the quarantine, so I'm doing my best to fill the void with these little one shots and songfics. This song is a parody of my favorite song from the new 2020 soundtrack of Prince of Egypt the Musical, Heartless, which is also about a seemingly ruthless queen losing her child. This is Iracebeth's reaction to learning her daughters have run away in our crossover, March of the Witch Hunters, and a look at what's going through her mind. I thought it this song worked for Iracebeth because she has to put on a brave tough facade in the face of the resistance, and she's seen as heartless and ruthless and the witch hunters, but her own daughters, the last people she thought would betray her have disobeyed her direct orders and gone above to fight the witch hunters. People think she's heartless and doesn't care about anyone but herself, but she would do anything to protect her girls and she can't believe they would be so reckless, but she still can't help but love them and hope that they'll come home safely to her. -xoxo, Ros**

* * *

**Iracebeth:** _(spoken)_

My beautiful baby girls.

They're all I have left in the world.

How could they do this to me?

_(sung)_

All our parapets and palaces

Our croquet lawns and windows

Before my eyes they crumble into sand.

Beneath the weight of your stupid reckless actions

Our fortresses have fallen

And we stand on a barren, windswept land.

Heartless,

I know people call me heartless.

Heartless,

If only it were true.

I wouldn't feel this unbearable ache

The stab when I felt my heart breaking

Shattered into shards, by the loss of you

Heartless

How I wish I could be heartless

But I can't be, there are others grieving too.

Like mine, their pain will last forever

Like rain that never ceases to pour

So I can't be heartless

For them, I can't be heartless

For them I never have needed heart more

I never have needed heart more...


	6. I Know It's Today (Banishment Anthem)

**A/N: This song is a parody of I Know It's Today from Shrek the Musical, which is kind of my anthem for the quarantine and I think Iracebeth and the Unruly Princesses probably would feel like Princess Fiona did during their three years of banishment. So, settle in, everyone...it's storytime! -Ros**

**Ros:** There's a princess out of power...  
oh my gosh, that's just like me!  
Alice killed the Jabberwocky,  
Now our Aunt won't set us free

She handcuffed Mum to Daddy  
He tried to stab us all  
He broke his chains and ditched us,  
he's got some fucking gall!

**Iracebeth:** (spoken) Watch your tongue, Rosalind!

**Ros:** But in the end, the Red Queen and her daughters too,  
We'll be back in the palace, and behead all of you!

So I know this will pass,  
Because my Mum's the rightful ruler!  
I believe the storybooks I read by candlelight!  
One day we will be free,  
And we'll get our happy ending!  
It won't be long now, I guarantee,  
Day number...43...

I know it's today,  
I know it's today...

**Ember:** We've been moved to Ticktock's palace,  
and he's started shagging Mum.  
Rozzie thinks he's her new father,  
but I think he's really dumb!

He bribes our mum and us with presents,  
I admit it's nicer here,  
but he won't give us what we want,  
and that's the chronosphere!  
(and also Alice's head!)

But in the end I know that Mum will wear him down,  
She always gets what she wants,  
And soon she'll have the crown!

So I know this will pass,  
Cause our Aunt's a dirty liar!  
And once we'll have the chronosphere,  
we'll prove it to the world!  
We'll go home,  
Just you wait,  
We won't have to deal with Wilkins!  
And our enemies will regret ever being alive!  
Day number 735

We'll get it today,  
then we'll make them pay!

**Iracebeth:** There's a queen and her two daughters  
And I mean my girls and me,  
Ticktock still won't hand it over,  
But he will eventually!

And he better give it up soon,  
Or I'll knock his seconds flat,  
Wilkins is on my last nerve, _(closes random life watch)_  
Oops, did I do that? _(over the next verse, keeps shutting watches and killing random people in the watches)_

Screw my parents and the Hightopps  
Screw that bastard Stayne,  
Screw The Alice and Mirana,  
She is such a royal pain!  
Screw the hecklers, and the peasants  
Keep my daughters, give us presents!  
Screw this waiting, this waiting, this waaaaaiiiitiiing!

But I know, this'll pass,  
though I seem a bit bipolar  
And I'm a prisoner in my own land,  
that really blows  
I deserve to be queen,  
In the true line of succession?  
It won't be long now, I guarantee,  
Day number...

Come on, TickTock,  
Just hand it over,

**Ros and Ember:** Just hand it over...

**Ros, Ember, and Iracebeth:** Now I know, this will pass,  
Because we're the rightful rulers!  
I believe that soon, Ticktock will give us what we want,  
One day we will be free,  
And we'll get our happy ending!  
It won't be long now, I guarantee,

Ros: Day number 43

**Ember:** Day number 735

**Iracebeth:** Day number 1133...

**Ros:** I know it's today, ooh,

**Ember:** I know it's today, ooh,

**Iracebeth:** I know it's today, ooh

**Ros:** I know it's today, ooh,

**Ember:** I know it's today, ooh,

**Iracebeth:** I know it's today, ooh

**Ros, Ember, Iracebeth:** I know it's today!


End file.
